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The Naked Truth

Picture this: the 2024 Canadian Masters Keirin Championship, where dreams are made, and UCI fines are narrowly avoided. After three days of intense racing, I found myself in the unexpected position of a potential double whammy from cycling's governing body.

The saga began innocently enough. With the final race behind me, I swapped out my kit for more comfortable attire and settled into the velodrome café for a coffee. Little did I know, my relaxation was about to be interrupted by the looming threat of a fine.

As I lounged in the café with Thing2’s uncle, a frantic messenger burst through the doors, breathless with urgency. It turned out that the podium awards ceremony was on hold until I made my grand appearance. This was either an embarrassing oversight on my part, or a clever caffeine distraction by someone from within FGA was jealously trying to ruin my Nationals. I focussed on the smiling uncle sitting across from me … well played Thing2 … weaponizing your own family.

Without hesitation, I bolted back into the velodrome, determined to avoid the first strike on my UCI record – failure to attend the awards ceremony. But here's where things took a weird turn.  As I arrived at the ceremony, a race official approached me with a warning: “They’re fining riders for failing to wear their kit on the podium .”

Racing against time (and the rulebook), I dashed to our team's pit, snatched my sweat-stained race kit, and executed a lightning-fast wardrobe change right then and there.

Now, to those poor souls who happened to be in the pit next to me during my impromptu strip show, I offer my sincerest apologies. Please know: I do own a mirror, and I know what I look like. May you never have to witness such sights again.

And finally, a hearty congratulations to Frank Kovacs for his well-deserved win. As I reflect on my own escapades, I can't help but think that if I raced as fast as I stripped, I might have been the one standing atop the podium. Until next time, Frank, until next time.


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