Malcolm Kenning

Malcolm “Wait, What?” Kenning,” is a larger-than-life figure with a storied past. Raised in the Louisiana swamps, Malcolm graduated valedictorian of his three-person class at the Southern Bayou High School before attending West Point where he studied Engineering, Fluid Dynamics, Readin' & Writin'. He served as a pilot in the Great War, earning notoriety for accidentally bombing a Belgian pre-school.

 

During Prohibition, Malcolm leveraged his racing skills to become a well-known moonshine runner. His expertise on dirt roads and evading law enforcement eventually led him to dominate the early days of NASCAR, winning five championships.

 

Malcolm's piloting prowess and desire for solitude made him an ideal candidate for NASA's astronaut program. In a historic feat, he became the 8th man to walk on the moon. After a heated argument, he abruptly depressurized the capsule, killing the rest of the crew. Malcolm later agreed to return to Earth in exchange for a new chainring.

 

Today, Malcolm competes as a Flying Gorilla, and recently medalled at the 2024 Canadian Masters Track Championships. With his newfound fame, he's eyeing his next adventure: a solo bike packing trip to the center of the Earth.

 

• There you have it Malcom, the bio you demanded. Enjoy.